Finding Her Strength
by Merchickety
Summary: “I know you, and I know you’ll find the strength to keep flying.” Spoilers: post Objects in Space, pre BDM


Word Count: 1,105

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns the 'verse. I am but a faithful Browncoat.

It had been three weeks since Jubal Early showed up on Serenity. The whole episode had been rather jarring for everyone involved. Especially, it seemed, for Kaylee. While the rest of the crew had, more or less, gone back to their usual routine, Kaylee had been uncharacteristically withdrawn. She said very little at mealtimes, spent no more time in the engine room than necessary, and spent most of her time hiding in her room. No one knew what had gone on in the engine room, but based on her behavior they had a pretty good idea. Even Jayne noticed she was acting different and left her alone.

Mal was worried about little Kaylee and more than anything he wanted his mechanic back to her usual, cheerful self. He wasn't used to her looking so… blank and empty. But he had no idea how to approach her himself. So he paid Inara a visit in her shuttle, and asked for her advice.

"Actually Mal, I've been thinking about this for a few days now, and I think I should be the one to talk to her."

"Not that I have any problem with that, but what makes you think she'll talk to you?"

Inara smiled grimly, "because if it's what we all fear but are too afraid to say, she might be more comfortable talking to another woman."

Mal's stomach turned at the implications of this statement, but he couldn't argue with the logic.

A few minutes later Inara was knocking on the door to Kaylee's room.

"Kaylee? It's Inara, can I come in?" She looked at the decorations Kaylee had placed over her door while she waited for an answer. These decorations had been placed by a Kaylee far more cheerful and content than Kaylee sitting in the room at the moment.

"Yeah, you can come in." Inara heard Kaylee call from inside the room. Inara opened the door and crawled down the ladder into Kaylee's room. Kaylee was sitting on the floor next to her bunk, watching Inara climb down.

Inara sat down next to Kaylee and sighed. "You want to tell me what going on? You've been acting different ever since Early was here."

"I'm not sure I want to talk about that right now, Inara." Kaylee replied.

"Hey, whatever it is, you need to talk to someone. Everyone's been worried about you, and the way you've been acting we've feared the worst…"

"Oh, god… it wasn't like that. Not entirely at least…" Kaylee looked down at her hands.

"What do you mean?" Inara asked.

"I mean, it was only a threat, nothin' more. Nothin' to get all upset about."

Inara sighed. "Then what is it then?"

"It's just… well he just showed up outta nowhere and asked if I'd ever been raped. It kinda threw me off balance. And I was scared he'd follow through so when he asked where River slept, I told him."

"Is that why you've been hiding out? You feel guilty?"

"Part of it, yeah."

"Well, that explains some things. I thought River was just spouting nonsense as usual…"

Kaylee looked at Inara, "what was she sayin'?"

"Well, I was walking by the engine room yesterday and I saw her sitting in front of the door, saying 'poor Kaylee, I'm not mad.' I guess I know what she was talking about now."

"So, she's not angry with me for betrayin' her like that?"

"I think if she was mad she's forgiven you by now."

Kaylee smiled, "well, that's a relief." Her face fell again, "that's not all that's been botherin' me though, to be truthful."

"What else?"

"I s'pose you've noticed I aint been spending much time in the engine room as usual,"

"Yeah, I noticed."

"Well, it seems every time I'm in there I can't help but remember what it was like, having Jubal Early in there. And I can't help but remember being tied up on that floor, feeling so helpless. And it scares me, the idea that I could ever be that helpless again."

"Kaylee," Inara paused, "Kaylee did I ever tell you that, not long after I became a companion, I quit for while because I needed some time to decide if it was what I really wanted? "

Kaylee nodded, "you mighta mentioned it."

"I wasn't entirely truthful."

Kaylee cocked her head slightly and looked at Inara, "what do you mean?"

"Not long after I started working as a companion, I was in a bar having a few drinks when a man came up to me and offered to buy the next one. Something about him felt a little… off, to me. So I declined. About an hour later I was leaving, I'd just stepped out of the bar when I felt someone grab me, and they pulled me to the side of the building. It was already dark out and we were in shadows so I couldn't see his face. I screamed, and a couple of men coming out of the bar heard me and ran over. One of them had a bottle in his hand, and when he saw that the man was attacking me he hit him over the head with it. The man who was attacking me fell down, and his face was in the light, and I realized it was the man who had offered me a drink inside. It was a while before I could go into a bar again, and it's one of the reasons I stopped being a companion for a while. I was afraid a job like that would put me in a similar situation. And I was afraid."

As Inara finished telling her story, Kaylee gulped, "How did you get over it?"

"I never really 'got over it' per se, but when I felt I was ready I started working again, and over time the fear just faded away. That's not to say it never comes back, memories have a way of sneaking up on you sometimes, but you cope with it, and keep going."

"Do you think it'll fade for me?"

"Of course it will, Kaylee. I know you, and I know you'll find the strength to keep flying."

Kaylee nodded, "thanks Inara," she smiled slightly, "I think I'm feeling a little better already."

Inara hugged her, "I'm glad _mei-mei._ If you ever need anyone to talk to about all this you just come to me."

"Alright I will."

Inara stood and climbed up the ladder and out of Kaylee's room, and saw Mal standing outside.

"She gonna be O.K?" He asked.

Inara smiled, "I think she's going to be just fine."


End file.
